Make Your Own Luck: Where the Boys & Girls Are In DC

The moment my eyes fell on him, I was content." – Edith Wharton

“Go west” says a female colleague if you are seeking single, available men in Washington, DC.  It’s true; the District is reported to have the worse female to male ratio in the nation.  At last count (in 2007), there were 52.9% women to 47.1% men and rumor has it that if you subtract the percentage of men who are gay from this number, (and the jury is still out on this), the ratio for women is roughly 13-1. A National Geographic “Singles” map suggests that the single men live in Los Angeles while the single women are on the east coast, in New York City. This suggests that the competition here is fierce and some of you may already be feeling the pinch.  

How exactly does a single, man or woman then enjoy the summer and remain hopeful of meeting that pot of gold boy or girl?  If there really is a “surplus of women” as the map suggests then perhaps it’s time for a little bit of strategy combined with a “wee” bit of luck? 

Ernest Hemingway said “you make your own luck” and that means you get out there and get going to places other than the usual suspects, namely, the stale and staid gyms and bars and try things that may feel out of character but which could turn out to be just your pot of luck. The whole idea is to meet people, socialize, and have fun.

A few ideas on places to meet fun, interesting people some which are familiar some which may be new (and I can vouch for most of them) include the following:

1)     “Jazz in the Garden” every Friday on the Mall, beginning at 5:30 p.m., the National Gallery of art offers free jazz performances at the outdoor café in the Sculpture Garden.  A mix of professionals, families, tourists, it’s quite lively and relaxing. Ah yes, and the sangria is also deliciously refreshing.

2)     The hottest new online venues are the social networking sites like Face Book and Twitter.  The nice thing about them is that you can meet or discover people through their posts, the games or quizzes that interest them, and having a mutual friend/s is also a great launching point for conversation. It’s so much easier and stimulating than, playing to a banal script, i.e. “so what kind of things do you like to do?”

3)     Also hot are the traditional online dating sites many of us appear to have succumbed to in our desperation (though friends will be slow to admit they’ve tried them): eHarmony and Match.com.  While feedback suggests they can be hit or miss, they’re great sites to get your toes wet if you’ve been out of the dating scene awhile. Also, if you’re on a budget, Metrodate offers you a free membership, allowing you to create your own profile and search by specific locales in the Metro DC area.  Finally, there’s even a venue for those professionals whose schedules are simply too tight to spend online searching.  “It’s Just Lunch”  will do it for you. You simply show up to your pre-arranged lunch date or after work drink.

4)     Art gallery openings are plentiful in the District (Dupont Circle, Logan Circle Penn Quarter). Currently, the annual Artomatic 2009 event which runs through July 5, 2008 brings them all together in one place. Nine floors, quite impressive.

5)     Volunteering.  Our President’s recent Call to Service asks us to participate in our nation’s recovery and renewal. This creates an opportunity to meet and develop a bond with one or lots of people across a number of organizations, and for a good cause. Simply type in your zip code and you’ll find opportunities to volunteer in your local area.

 There are of course many other places here in Washington, DC, the tried and true coffee shops, I also hear Costco and dog parks are hot spots.  So there’s really no need to go west to find your pot of gold. The best way to approach making your own luck is to keep in mind that it’s just a date! You don’t necessarily have to be on the hunt for “the one” and even if you are, have fun in the meantime, while you are casting that net a little wider. 

Where am I?

Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. 

-- Oscar Wilde

Dear Friends & Readers, 

I am STILL around and brewing up a storm of 'riddles.' My apologies for having temporarily ducked out but I got hit with one those "splash"es I referred to in my last post, The Sky is Falling.  Please check back soon!  ---Riddle Me This

The Sky Is Falling! and other Good News

"Like cold water to a weary soul, So is good news from a distant land." -- Proverbs, 25:25

I wonder how many people wake up of late, thinking like I do, that is, wondering what new Chicken Little/Henny Penny doom and gloom news will splash them in the face, reminding them, yet again, just how bad things currently are the national and global economy.

I actually find that I'm now apprehensive about turning on NPR or CNN (even moreso) for fear of more depressing “breaking news.” Some people I've talked to report that they've just stopped listening altogether. Well, I'm not good at burying my head in the sand, unfortunately.

Day 50: This just in…”the Dow is down another 80 points, plunging close to 21% since President Obama’s Inauguration.” Day 46: The jobless rate is the highest in 27 years. People are losing their homes (circa 2007). Some are living in tents. The rate at which the earth is radically changing is much faster than previously thought. Ah yes, and "enough already" Michelle Obama needs to “put away her thunder and lighting” bi-ceps (maybe she's hot?!well, she is HOT, but maybe she's hot).

The news media and journalists compound the problem, daily contributing to our malaise by pounding to a pulp, like a cacophony of dissonant hammers, even a molecule of hope or promise we might be trying (desperately) to cling to. And some of us are so (foolishly) intrepid that we will even publicly admit that we want our newly elected President to fail. So, if I’m hearing this correctly, we want the U.S. to continue its slide into the moniker of a nation of losers?

I’m nearly despondent now and afraid to hear the next installment in this Grapes of Wrath saga. If you’re listening out there, contrary to popular belief bad news is not necessarily good business. It just makes me want to hear you less, watch you less, listen to YOU less. In fact, I experimented with that idea last week, electing not to poison my already fragile attitude by commencing my day (or my evenings for that matter) with little to no news, except what was essential for work. I did just fine and I definitely felt better.

I’ve become exhausted reading and/or listening to the biting criticism, the bile, the negativity. Isn't there there any good news out there?

RIDDLE ME THIS...

Yes, we are in a recession, depression, economic downturn/crisis, -- a nightmare, what have you.

We’re tired of bail outs, losing our homes, our jobs, our healthcare, our peace of mind. But have we forgotten what we only barely ‘survived’ intact the ethics and antics of the last 8 years? Have we forgotten how we arrived here in the first place? This country is in a shambles. Where was the “outrage” then as we simply sat silent as it was being pulled apart brick by brick right before our very eyes?

Sure we want some sign of a recovery despite all previous warnings to the contrary that it was going to get worse, before it got better. We all heard it, “recovery won’t happen over night." We all acknowledged the challenges ahead, but we’re angry we opine and we’re just not seeing the results. The blame abounds! “Tonight, we report on the new FILL-IN-THE-BLANK outrage. “Change we can believe in is hoopla,” it’s business as usual, surmised one CNN correspondent. “We want more leadership from this President!” Well, last I recall, we re-elected one who clearly wasn’t a monument to this assumption and we kept him along with his renegade buddies, anyway. Why didn’t we stop, then, what was clearly a runaway train?

They wanted no rules. De-regulate it all! Only unfettered markets (read: greed) will spur economic growth (for the top 1-2% perhaps). If you think about it, former financier, Bernard Madoff currently represents the epitome of thinking in this country toward the powerful, privileged and very monied, toward what happens (or rather doesn’t) to those who rip off the livelihoods of others, namely the middle-class and the poor. Caught and placed under house-arrest, Mr. Madoff continues to live in the lap of luxury smiling smugly at the cameras while he gets his affairs (and remaining hidden assets?) in order. Where is the outrage there? Similar to the wall street (little "w" little "s") and auto industry bailout, they’ve gotten their payoff, their bonuses, and "We the People?" well, we will get the bill, to manifest itself in increased taxes and looks like have we may even have to pay for it in cutbacks in public security amongst other essentials (according to today's news reports).

Our emotions seem to run from he’s not doing enough to is he doing too much, we now worry "he's over-extending himself." I believe President Obama said it first, and we all welcomed his frame of mind that "It's going to be part of the president's job to deal with more than one thing at once.” So maybe he can actually walk and chew gum at the same time, as my mother would say. However, I can just hear it now, if he does just focus on the economy, the cry will probably then be something along the lines of ‘but what about all your other campaign promises.’

Obama became President riding a wave of much needed hope in this country with his “Yes We Can” mantra. He did that in the face of incredible odds. We helped him. That, in itself, I believe is testimony in support the notion that we can overcome these many crisis currently rocking the world. Hope and believing in the possibilities are powerful, ultimately, and so much more attractive than the alternative. A tiny chicken named Chicken Little cried, "the sky is falling" and Henny Penny, and Ducky Daddles, and Goosey Loosey all agreed. But what about The Little Engine that Could, that children's tale that serves as a metaphor for the American (no, everyone's) Dream teaching us the value of optimism ( I-think-I-can! I-think-I-can!). What about trying that one for a 'change?'

Hello and Good-bye?

“New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions. ” -Mark Twain


We’ve arrived at that time of year again where many of us feel compelled to take an accounting of our lives these past twelve months as we prepare to usher in another twelve.

We wonder, are we happier? Better off? We take our temperature and then we, some of us, some of us make promises to ourselves, our friends, our family, to God and the Universe to be oh so much more this, that or the other [fill-in-the-blank] going forward.

It is an inescapable disposition, especially as endless television and/or radio programs broadcast their annual 'Year in Review' of the best news stories, films, books, images, music, scandals, – the best of the best, the worst of the worst and the beat goes on. And of course, this year, 2008 will be particularly poignant considering the plethora of upsets and downfalls besotting it. So much rests on 2009.

So what’s the math? What are/were the events and emotions that rocked your last 365 days? How did you fare? Where do you stand?

This morning when I first awoke, I wasn’t thinking, 'Oh hey, Karen this is the last day of 2008. Where are you regarding x,y,z?’

However, as the coffee brewed, there it was, that non-stop, self-talking instrument called the mind that began its rapid fire assault, asking me all those (unavoidable?) questions. I, personally, was still too fogged up to ask, much less answer but as consciousness drew near they were coming fast and furious:

• What did you do more of? Less of? What did you mean to do more of and didn’t?

• What was that one lesson you learned that made you say to yourself, ‘I'll never do that again!’?
  

• What new friends did you make? or lose (via whatever means)?

• In what ways did you surprise yourself? How were you predictably ‘you’ despite resolutions you had made to the contrary (uggh…who wants to answer that!)?

• What did you think you would never do, that you did do? Now that you’ve done it, are you glad you did?

• What would be a life lesson for 2008 if you had to pass it on to someone else?

• What regrets, if any, do you have?

• What were your happiest, most 'ultimate' moments? What were your saddest, most heart breaking?

• Finally (or ultimately?), did you get what you wanted?

Being or living in the "NOW” is irrelevant at this moment because answering any of these questions requires that you look to the past, as it will –to some extent, inform your future (and all those new resolutions you’ll want to make).

Riddle Me This...

Why do we feel so compelled to ruminate on the past and itemize our hopes for a better year? A better future?

What is it about this day that makes us think we can magically transform ourselves or lives by modifying our deeds, thoughts and behavior...and why do we nominate this one day to name or articulate them?

Is it just a matter of numbers? Of the significance or symbolism associated with beginning the 365-day cycle again?

The one answer I have received thus far is that “because it is the triumph of hope over experience.”

Perhaps.
I, myself, don’t have an answer.

But I do like Robert Frost’s take on it. He writes:

"You're searching...
For things that don't exist; I mean beginnings.
 Ends and beginnings - there are no such things.
 There are only middles.
"

It’s 10:46 p.m. What is it that you still have “time” to do in 2008? DO it! and have a ducky NEW YEAR!

Purse-O-Nality: What on earth are we carrying in these monstrous handbags?

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!
-- Billy Connelly

I have become fascinated with women’s handbags.

They seem to keep growing in size (and color) and are larger than at any time I can remember.

As a flaneur in Washington, DC I am in an out of bookstores, café’s, the boutiques and shops on 14th street, or Georgetown, Dupont Circle, the “P Street” Whole Foods, CVS, and even Logan Hardware. Increasingly, I see woman of all ages, sizes, and ethnicities carrying these enormously colorful and often complicated looking bags, with over-sized locks and shiny buckles and other whatnots attached and I keep asking myself, ‘what on earth does she have in that bag!?’ And often, there will be another bag in tow as well. Stop a moment and take a look – a majority of women, particularly on weekdays, are carrying at least two bags! It's spellbinding.

My curiosity became particularly acute when, earlier this summer, I was out and about strolling around the 14th street and U street area and I realized my long, shoulder-strapped, Lucky Brand saddle-bag was quite heavy--to the point of actually cutting into my shoulder. This can’t be good I thought. It's not as though I was on any particular mission, I’d just packed my handbag-- as per usual--and was my bouncy self out the door.

During my meandering, I stopped in to see my good friend Gustavo who owns Habitat, this funky-cool jewelry/handbag/decorative arts boutique in the U Street corridor. It’s always a treat to visit with him because he’s always bursting to chat on some provocative subject and well, also because he’s always wants to show off his latest handbags.

Gustavo carries a line of handbags that are pretty unique, in both large and small in sizes. I have bought the occasional handbag from him (with out all the bells and whistles because while I like color, I’m complicated enough without having to fight with a handbag to get to what's inside of it). In fact, it is perhaps as a result of my impromptu jaunts to Habitat that I have developed this curiousity concerning the contents of women's handbags.

Riddle Me This:

How is it that men require so little to move about this earth comfortably and we women, need so much stuff? What are these essential items we find it necessary to have on our person with us at all times that men can apparently do without?

What’s in the bags ladies?!

I had this discussion recently with a few women during a Happy Hour. One of the women (or was it me?) hung her bag on the arm/the neck of the chair and the chair immediately fell straight back. Well, naturally, if no one was sitting in the chair it would fall, because the handbag was something just short of a suitcase, and so here that question was once again rearing it’s funny face.

So I asked, “Darling, what are you carrying in that purse? A bag of sugar? It clearly must weigh about 10 lbs?!” Laughter erupted because I too was lugging something of a suitcase (that reminds me of a big yellow school bus) myself. A conversation then ensued about what we each felt were the essentials:

A wallet (of course), door/car keys, mobile phone – check, check, so far so good, reasonsable…I mean, men need these things too but they don’t require handbags to keep them on their person.

What else? Ok, make-up (a woman should at least never be without lipstick or lip balm of some sort, in my humble opinion) comb/brush (optional, men don’t carry them), Kleenex (maybe…men do often carry a hankerchief, which is smarter…I guess, even though it suffers through more than one use but in retrospect, it is “green” is it not?) A date/calendar book (optional now for those who do Blackberrys which, therefore, combines phone and calendar and also eliminates the need for an address book (another marvel of modern technology that is also dumbing us down – ever lost your phone? Have it go dead or some such thing and you suddenly discover you don’t know any phone numbers by heart anymore? Scary really).

A mirror or compact. Ok, but why do we need to look at ourselves so much? One could argue to apply lipstick, but that’s what restrooms are for and men manage to survive without them, (not that I have any intention of giving mine up, mind you). Gum, mints, (check, check). Sunglasses (check). Occassionally, an extra pair of shoes (especially if you’re a pedestrian). Food (for the movies? Or your lunch), a bottle of water (the jury is out on this, yet, still, men manage to function perfectly fine without these things).

Well after this, the list of items became more personalized or rather, customized. Me for example, I have this thing about journals, and books and I realized that I am obviously so addicted that the contents of my handbag increasingly reminds me of Doris Lessings “The Golden Notebook.” I might carry up to five journals/notebooks – plus reading material on any given day. A bit excessive, but I do feel I need them and a back-pack just isn't (fashionably) flexible enough. Ah yes, and writing instruments (check). Eye drops, pony-tail holders, miniature swiss army knife (CHECK!), hand lotion…the list could go on.

Another must have item for those ‘you-never-know-when’ moments is a small pocket-sized digital camera. I am sometimes spontaneous and love to catch life happening in the “NOW.” Still, it adds weight, but I’m not sure I am able part with this either, and while there is one built into my mobile phone (which apparently does everything now except answer itself) it’s just not quite the same thing.

This little ditty went on for a bit, women naming the various ‘must have’ items such as a “safety pin” which is optional to me, how often in a 12 month cycle is one in dire need of a safety pin? Think about it.

But the best, or at least funniest story came from a woman who recalled that she was with a male friend of hers once who was putting air in his car tire and said he wished he'd had a tire gauge. She flabbergasted him when she reached into her handbag and pulled out a tire guage – yes, indeed a tire guage. The table erupted into hysterical laughter (this was the moment when I knew I had to tell this story). She, herself, could not even recall how it got there it, perhaps some event some time back and well, after that I guess it just made itself right at home.

And then of course, there are those items that do not even belong to you. You know, those things that your husband or companion asks you to carry for them as long as you’re lugging that sack around.

I guess on a strictly symbolic level all this baggage could suggest we women are just much more complicated creatures than men (I doubt many men would disagree with that statement). That’s not necessarily a bad thing and I wouldn’t be surprised to learn of some ancient biological myth underpinning it.

I do strive, daily, to simplify, simplify, simply, to go minimalist and yet, when I dump it all out and restock, the same items keep finding themselves right back in there. Oh, and lest I forget, on occasion I too might be spotted carrying two bags myself. Yet, that one doesn’t count because it’s holding my MacBook.

So what is the answer, bag ladies?

Is it possible that we simply feel a need to fill up that space, “because it’s there?”

Yes WE DID!

“If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.” – Barack Obama 

It’s been exactly 7 days now since Obama’s grand “blue”/”red” state sweep (both Pennsylvania and Virginia?!?) and the excitement of family, friends, associates and complete strangers is still ringing in my ears.

Many of my “international” friends (for search of a better term) living here in the DC-Metro area hail Obama’s win as a victory for African-Americans, AND for me, a woman of color, —an American who happens to be black and who, similar to Mr. Obama, does not regard herself as a “hyphenated” American (but that’s another blog entry all together). 

And Yes! As a Black American, I admit, I do feel honored and buoyed by President-elect Obama’s success. His victory was most impressive and astonishing. It is amazing that we find ourselves here at this place. No one of us expected this would or really could happen.

It clearly sent a message that there was a strong desire for change in this country and that we, as a nation—at least a majority of us—were ready and willing to embrace it and to exercise our power in hopes of making that a reality whether we were black, white, yellow, or green. I find that at times I still feel overwhelmed by the gravity of it all, and especially after learning the thoughts and feelings of people who did not grow up in America but who have lived among us for many years.

Two friends, both newly minted Americans, one from Russia and the other from Egypt, were able to vote for the first time in this election. It was a very emotional time for them both. One was proud to be “both an American and a Virginian” (as Virginia hasn’t voted Democratic since 1964).

One moved here in 2000, close to the arrival of the current administration and so never knew any other kind of America. This friend felt deceived to have left their own country (in search of the American Dream) only to find something similar to what was left behind. “I felt that all my dreams were bogus and there was no way out ...but guess what...here comes this guy that says the stuff that I always thought is good and true.”

Another friend from South America penned, “I cried yesterday! It was awesome. You must write about this victory…in every sense it’s made history for every minority not just African Americans. As a Latino woman, it was amazing!” 

I’m sure I can only begin to imagine what they have experienced with all the new immigration policies and procedures, post 9/11. Much of it was, to a degree, absolutely necessary, to ensure the safety of our country but some of it was carried out so cruelly and inhumanely that it only served to further fracture us as a people and nation. (I, however, have my own special brand of memories, having grown up during the 60’s).

The discussion that was most surprising and touching came from French friend who said that for all the years living here (mostly under Mr. Bush) there had never been a desire to apply for American citizenship (spouse was American) but watching Mr. Obama’s campaign and election changed all that and "now, I want to be an American" (ok, no jokes about the French please because for me they were never “freedom fries”).

I, among a multitude, feel inspired and empowered because Mr. Obama is just another human living on this earth who had/has a dream, a desire to achieve a set goal, whatever it is, whether big or small. He went for it against incredible odds and he won.

In the preface to The Audacity of Hope, Obama writes of his budding political ambitions and describes those feelings of doubt we have all battled at some point in our lives:

“I had begun to harbor doubts about the path that I had chosen; I began feeling the way I imagine an actor or athlete must feel when after years of commitment to a particular dream, after years of waiting tables between auditions or scratching out hits in the minor leagues, he realizes that he’s gone just about as far as talent or fortune will take him. The dream will not happen, and now he faces the choice of accepting his fate like a grown-up and moving on to more sensible pursuits, or refusing the truth and ending up bitter, quarrelsome and slightly pathetic."

President-elect Obama’s victory, in addition to his articulation for a better America, gives hope to us all. We hope and believe that America can renew, regenerate and rescue itself from the onslaught of the policies and scandals that have left us on the brink of bankruptcy and despair. And we all now want to see him walk the walk. And I believe he will. After all, why give up on the dream now? It’s like he said, it’s not just about his ability to bring change. It’s about ours. We ALL have to work like our lives depend on it. If we can come together as one nation, as one people and hold onto hope, tomorrow will be brighter. Yes WE Can! because divided, WE fall.

Congratulations America! Congratulations for taking that leap of faith to vote for a candidate based on the content of his character and not the color of his skin and for proving that the dream is still alive in our time. 

Yes We DID!

"Trick or Treat?” When is Enough is Enough is Enough, People?

“Double, double toil and trouble; fire burn and cauldron bubble. - Macbeth

Here “we the people” are pushing for, hoping for –and perhaps even VOTING for "CHANGE" in the forthcoming election (just 4 short days away) and our current President, who enjoys an approval rating of roughly 27% (and for whom this is obviously of no consequence) is now going for that one last push, that one last “bend over” that aims to weaken even more government rules currently protecting consumers and the environment.

Why aren’t we out there in the streets YELLING at the top our lungs–“No More Deregulation... We’re Mad as Hell and We’re Not Going to Take it Anymore!?” As I recall, some years back we participated in helping coin Daddy Bush's “no more taxes!”

According to an article in today's Washington Post:

“the new rules would be among the most controversial deregulatory steps of the Bush era and could be difficult for his successor to undo. Some would ease or lift constraints on private industry, including power plants, mines and farms.” These rules would, in effect, “help clear obstacles to some commercial ocean-fishing activities, ease controls on emissions of pollutants that contribute to global warming, relax drinking-water standards and lift a key restriction on mountaintop coal mining.”

Is this the “trick” or the “treat”?

Didn’t “we the taxpayers” (yes, there will ALWAYS be taxes), a silent majority, just allow our Congress to dole out some $750 billion+ dollars to bailout Wall Street (with no oversight!)? Didn't we just agree to ensure that its senior level executives get their due, namely bonuses and pensions -- the result of this administrations previous deregulation? The WSJ reports that after all “the big boys owe their executives more than $40 billion for deferred compensation and pensions.”

But no matter, we’re too focused on the election and concerned about potentially losing our homes and jobs (and/or looking for new ones), gas and food prices as we continually drift along the way, saying nothing!

Why should we care that the party isn’t really over?

There are at least 90 new regulations (or tricks) hoping to get pushed through and apparently nine of them are "economically significant." They will reportedly “impose costs or promote societal benefits that exceed $100 million annually. They include new rules governing employees who take family- and medical-related leaves, new standards for preventing or containing oil spills, and a simplified process for settling real estate transactions.”

According to the WP article, “On the afternoon of Bush's inauguration, Jan. 20, 2001, his chief of staff issued a government-wide memo that blocked the completion or implementation of regulations drafted in the waning days of the Clinton administration that had not yet taken legal effect.”

Riddle Me This:

How do we currently define democracy, through the lens of the American domestic and foreign policies that have been (and are still being implemented) over the last eight years?

Our efforts at protecting our civil rights and the environment are continually being hindered and scaled back. Can we really afford to allow ourselves to be so lightly dismissed? and this country's poorest (and of late not so poor) people to be continually crippled?

Doesn't it it anyway distress us that our voices are not being heard and attended to, but 'straight up' ignored? Or perhaps it is rather that we do not even have a voice, a choice anymore in this "great" country of ours?

While the country is focused on the outcome of the election, the Bush administration is out “Trick” or “Treating.”

"Country First," right?"

Who is getting the “Treat,” and who is accepting the“Trick?”